Was pretty much a mess for the last week or so due to a paper I had to write, so I'm just happy that is now over. And at the same time I was also able to write a chapter each both of my long fics that are posted, which is amazing considering how little I've worked on them in the past couple of months (wish I could do the same for 'let me down slowly' lmao). With all of the important stuff now finally done, I can rest a little and write something proper with no stress over some deadline looming over my head.

I still have to sort the TCG stuff out, which is a pain, at this point I'm not sure if i'm even capable of it lmao. I guess I will stick to the one on my neocities for the time being since the other stuff is too hard for me to figure out.

I can also finally focus on writing some other stuff too, since it has been a while since the last time I did an event, weather it was an exchange or a casual one. Something gotta be done at some point.

enjoy the flashes of my 2013 and earlier art (i think some of those are maybe even 2011 or something, the napkin comics definitely are uh ... 2004...) bahaha i got into selfshipping pretty early on, i remember for some reason i had a huge crush on a gundam character, but never really made my first real 'self' to ship until i played kingdom hearts 365/2 as my first KH game on my DS



(i should probably write a journal on my own history with selfshipping/oc x canon cause i began early on before going into like a 7-year-long hiatus bc i had my oc/oc blorbos to carry me until sylvie knocked in and took over my life. anyway this is unrelated to my art gallery progress LMFAO)

im trying to not be too jittery/overly hopeful but considering i know how often i got ghosted on any game application job, to have them get back to me on my follow-up email is exciting as hell. no interview secured yet (mostly bc they said they'd email me later in the month to actually make a schedule/meeting link) but like the fact i got a response back in the first place when i was expecting nothing despite--i hate sound so assured but like, i know this is the type of game i've played, it's a small indie team, and i know unity like the back of my hand after fucking with it for 8+ years.

AUGHHGH JUST THE FACT I GOT A RESPONSE HAS ME KICKING MY FEET AUGHHH I DONT WANNA GET MY HOPES UP BUT I'M ANTICIPATING PLSSS PSLPSLSPLSLSLSLLL IDC IF IT'S PART TIME/CONTRACT WORK I WANNA MAKE A FUN GAMEEEEEEEE I WANNA MAKE A LUXOR INSPIRED GAME

This week I...

Got rimworld up and running!  This is a new community I made for one of my favorite video games of all time. ♥ There's a discussion post up right now on what we'd like from the next expansion!

Posted my cooking bingo to veg_life!

Posted a cool Dead by Daylight screenshot to hold_x_to_run ...and afterwards, noticed that the mod had previously declared the community to be shut down, whoops.  Personally I think there is still use on DW for a horror video game community if anybody wants to make a replacement!

Recced Magic the Noah over on youtuberecs!

And posted a Spirit City screenshot to girlgamers!

Aaaand, I didn't post there this week, but I HAVE been posting in watchpoint_gibraltar.  Overwatch added five new heroes and the game is kind of good again??

... well, vague title but its more the concept of mutuals bahaha. i feel weird going through my list of mutuals and cleaning up those who unfollowed. i know it's not ever something to take personally, but there's always this little sliver of 'what was it that made them unfollow/unlist my site?'

i know i'll never have answers and it's not something i'd ever seek out. it's probably weird to be the type to clean out my followers/who isn't following me back anymore, but i guess it's for peace of mind? plus habit from the tumblr roleplay community where you would curate your feed to just people who were mutually interested. plus i'm redoing my site anyway, so i'm tackling my neighbours regardless. i usually don't check in that often for who is actually listing me/following me cause i don't care that much, but y'know. tiny brain goblin moments

the pattern in the bg kinda got nuked but SHES REALLLL

it sucks that although i am working on my site remake, the most tedious part is the repetitive task of filling out all my data (my artwork, my neighbours, my bookmarks) which sucks that my brain blanks out so badly on it ... and because it's a coding/word related task, i can't really put on youtube videos and zone out to doing it!!!

i really do need to find some method to ease the tediousness of it that's making my brain unhappy to do it. maybe i need to force pomodoros or something

Yooooo okay so I just discovered the power of filters here on DW.  These things are great!  This is going to make my reading page so much easier to go through!

How are y'all using filters?  By fandom?  By type of content people post?

Right now, as first iteration, I'm separating people into like "gamers" and "writers" for example.  But of course then what do you do if someone is both an avid gamer and a writer?  Do you put them in both filters even though that creates a redundancy, or do you pick one for them even though that is less accurate?

Or is it more useful to mainly use filters for categorizing communities instead of individual journals?

some of my emotional numbness from my burnout has lifted, thankfully, though the physical exhaustion is still lingering and feeling tired/unrested despite sleeping like the dead

i've mostly been working on coding my 11ty site remake, and i've reinstalled some of my older childhood games (namely re-volt aka the 1999 mini RC racing game, and caesar 3 aka holy fuck why is everything on fire), and i'm mostly just playing new horizons right now; i think i hit a pretty slow plateau in new leaf where it's just a bell grind and that's boring to me. i know i could probably hack in bells (esp since my 3ds is modded) but then it makes it even less fun(?)

probably if i had more public projects unlocked, it might offer me more incentive to decorate my town. the only things i really have to unlock is katrina's building and the rest is just ... town prettying up, and eventually the museum filling out over time. i'm in zero rush to pay off my house debts cause i dont really want empty space i can't fill at the moment

new horizons just has more for my brain to chew on, especially since i forgot i had the happy home DLC already bought years ago and I LOVE decorating the houses even if it feels more clunky in comparison to the 3ds game which allowed the stylus to move things around. tomodachi life on 3ds is also on pause since im just staring holes into the switch game to release AUGHHH I NEED ZHONGVIE TO DATE SO BAD

i got back into reading hazelthorn by cg. drews, since it's a dual read with my friend rn, though focusing on reading is very much a hit-and-miss at the moment. tomorrow i'm going with my classmate to one of the big farmer markets we have, which also has an antique store and other things to look around ... i hope it's not raining too much, or that more things are indoors so we don't get rained on

A virus just knocked my ass out for over a week.  I have so much to catch up on, now!

Here's a sketch and line art for a portrait I started before I got taken out.  This is Morrison, the main character of a vampire supremacist cult in my current Rimworld colony!  I'm thinking I'll make a little Rimworld site/shrine with character portraits and bios for the main pawns in each colony I do for the channel.



Okay now to hit the week's worth of things I missed in the Inbox and Reading Page! 

i should’ve done more playtesting on the rpg maker game but tbf i was in SUCH a rush fo finish the game in time + video editing and … who would’ve thunk RPG Maker MZ takes ‘exclude unused files’ as ‘oh those are files you’re actually using but it’s in a plugin’ and made the game unplayable until someone was kind enough to point it out this morning…

well the game works now!!! i hope!!! i got all the missing images…

bahaha this is a very much self promo post but it's so wild to see her book out and loose ... and my RPG maker game i did based off it!!! if somehow you're interested, the goodreads is here for the book (so i'm not tossing the amazon link) and the rpg maker game i did based off the first 2 chapters is here on itch!!!

i personally ordered the physical copy to come in on april 1st ehehehehe

Obsessed with characters who are chronic oversharers but in a way that conceals any real information about themselves. Characters who talk about everything but leave out everything that actually has meaning to them, who use their oversharing to hide all the things they're not talking about.

—tired-fandom-ndn

gutpunch ass last reblog im ILL. too many thoughts!!!!!!!!!! illness in looking at sylvie and knowing their happy go lucky cheerful personality is 100% them but also 100% isn't. it's both their bare face and a mask at the same time.

they yap and yap and yap and talk and are open and warm but they never truly talk about themselves outside of a very few people. your worries? they will listen. their worries? nawww they're chill they don't have things on their mind (they're etched deep into their bones and buried underneath)

CLAWS AT MY FACE AUGHH FUCKKKK cause like. sylvie won't hide things they like, they'll share their stories, their hobbies, their projects, beloved things. they'll give you scraps of information about their past, they won't beat around the bush that they died, but the aftereffects of that? good luck reading between the lines!!!!!!

augh fuck i know i've talked about it but sylvie struggles as well with knowing that if the self they're presenting is their true self or just a facsimile of their true self. is there a true self underneath or has it disappeared and melded into all of their masks over thousands of years? what is an identity when you've lost your own, lived through hundreds and thousands of others, and had just as many hands and people shape your life?

(i crossposted this from tumblr dont mind me)

to be fair i've been very tired and drained. usually it's pretty easy to pull them out for conversations (something something living character phenomenon, theyre akin to a munbond to me), but i haven't even had much energy for that ... it's funny, i used to use my ocs for conversations for coping (which now is sylvie), but when i'm most exhausted it's the hardest to pull them out, either for conversations or silly interactions with my friend's ocs, or my zhongli writer's ... err, zhongli LMFAO

it's definitely a weird, kinda empty feeling to not be able to connect to them so easily. i've had it before, but usually those were days i am aware i was either under some kind of depression, or fatigue, like i am now. i surround myself with them (my icon, theme, them in new leaf and new horizons, desktop), but lacking that connection sucks balls a lot

i know it'll eventually ease up and they will return/the connection will revitalize, but until then it sure sucks ass!!!!

until then, have this moo version of them by lavendergalactic

its funny cause this game was my introduction to disturbed as a band .. but it's also funny cause my parents thought i'd be a great driver cause i kick ass at this game (girl who has massive anxiety about driving at ALL). but seriously, pretty bomb soundtrack, i do miss the underground 2 deco system in terms of having lights underneath the actual cars themselves + more customization flexibility, but i still love the open world aspect of it and the blacklist system to progress, plus the cop chases although annoying as shit sometimes (20-30 minute long ones in the later progression), is definitely a good stress inducer in like a FUN way

... except every time i do cop chases, all i remember is the very old youtube videos where they go around a certain roundabout on the map with yakety sax playing on a loop. and if i remember right, this was one of the videos i remember watching about stupid shit that happens to the cop AIs in the game LMFAO. fly piggies fly!!!! 2012 good lord ... one of the videos that shaped my own childhood

i've definitely lost count of how many times ive actually finished this game. so many times i have finished it but lost my save file because i didn't transfer it over from an old hard drive or it got wiped somehow LOL. im also one of those that stuck with my bigger car to the end, but to be fair the chevrolet you start with (as an option) fucking kicks ass when its fully kitted out

... its weird, i dont know if need for speed had any real good games after most wanted. to be fair i also didn't look much deeper beyond underground 1 and 2, and most wanted. to be fair, even looking at ranking lists, underground 2 and most wanted (2005) tend to be the top ones, alongside carbon and some of the hot pursuit games

kinda funny youtube recommended me a very recent (2 days ago) video about need for speed's history, rise, and fall

damn its a topic i always cycle back to, but it's because i still haven't found a system i truly can like ... sink into? my journaling in general is a very haphazard collection of thoughts mostly across my social medias (tumblr, dreamwidth, pillowfort) or in discord chats ... but the thing is, for private journals i dont have anything i've really honed into, or that i can stick with, and it kinda sucks!!

cause my requirements for an offline private journal is like...

• i can use it on PC and mobile
• i can use it offline

which like, obsidian does that, but i just cant? get into writing on obsidian...????? at least for journaling. i think its because i dont open it daily to give myself a like 'oh, i should write things down' ... well tbf i also don't have that habit in general to journal. i thought dump easily, but sitting to reflect on a day definitely doesn't come naturally

im mostly thinking about it because of my ... burnout? at least this low motivation spree of time for the last few weeks, and as much as i do feel comfortable yapping about it on dreamwidth, i also tend to be aware when im venting about the same things and wanna take it to private where i feel no personal judgement in talking about it. its just ... as said, annoying because i dont have the habit to journal, nor found the proper app/system that quite works with me and is portable enough to where i can do it on mobile, and PC, and be able to be offline (that isnt obsidian???? idk whats wrong with my brain and it not clicking :( )

i think it might just be because i use obsidian for other stuff as well, rather than just having a dedicated space for it--making a journal note in obsidian is no different than doing any other note. i kinda wish the integrated apple journal could be used on PC cause then i might be more incentivized to use it, but also its Apple. no LMFAO

spirit city has a journal built into it, but it's PC only ... sighs it feels like im searching for an impossible find, or maybe there is an app out there and i just havent... looked enough? one that's free, hopefully :/

memoria is also cool but ... mobile only :skull:

do i just need to ... try more with obsidian????? mayb i will. it’s just hard that once i fall off a habit, going back to it is really, really hard. i think this exhaustion for the last few weeks is just slowly catching up to me that it feels like it’s clawing at me to escape it somehow

maybe i need to let go of the idea of needing to be consistent with it, its just also the desire to be a BIT more consistent and not letting it rot for months on end, even for just the most basic 'whats a highlight of the day' kinda post. maybe prettifying my daily note template might inspire me more, plus swapping out the dividers based off the dividers i've got saved on tumblr

trying to leave it loose with sections i can just delete if i dont want them

( obsidian template )

i realize this should probably be a game log but i’ll worry about that not now. gaming heavy day, though i kinda feel like i needed it. tomodachi life demo is out and i had a lot of fun with it, though i’m disgruntled they basically lock your miis up after the demo is done so they can’t even interact with anything

mostly doing dailies on new horizons and new leaf, im starting to feel a bit of a burnout, and i stopped checking in as often in 3DS tomodachi life… i should do so again

but on the topic of mindless games, i’m glad i have a few ‘forever’ games i can always revisit that are immensely mindless for me, where i can just lock in and forget life exists for a bit

jazz jackrabbit 2, luxor 3, and need for speed most wanted (2005, not the 2011 one) are games i can literally zone out and play. jazz jackrabbit not quite as much, that one needs me to focus a bit more than ‘shoot balls’ and ‘zoom zoom drive’ LMAO since it’s a shooter platform, but it’s one of those games among the ‘i’ve replayed this bitch so many times i lost count’

with how drained i’ve been and lacking general motivation, it’s nice to just revisit nostalgia comforts that offer me a reprieve from everything for a little bit

Finally sat down to write an idv fic after a good while. Idk when will I properly get to finish it but I'm just happy to work on some idv stuff again. I have another fic that I wanna work there too, so I might get to finish them at similar times. They're both dmnoir fics so more of that is always nice.

I've also been making proper progress on silksong for once lol. I've caught up to where I was left before I got linux installed, so I was now mostly trying to figure out where to go next. I got one of the major bosses down and realized where to go finally. Also found out where to get the clawline ability after not figuring it out on my first run of the game. Apparently I just needed to go to another lava filled area which I hate, so I kinda just ignored it until. I realized I kinda needed to do that. At least now I can go to the mountain area.

On other topics, I found this site called pikidiary. It's for micro blogging but more cute and you can customize it a little bit more than your usual micro blogging platform. There was another one similar to it called hjonk that someone sent in a discord server i'm in, but for some reason, I did not get an email once I sighed up. Too bad, considering it was pretty ok looking and seems nice. More customizable than the first one it seems too, but what can you do right now.

I've been very lazy regarding colors stuff. Have yet to make the move to the new place, but I don't even know where to start still. No amount of looking at php code is really helping it, I get overwhelmed every time I look at it. Idk if I can even do this anymore, which is a shame since I don't think I'll ever get the possibility to have a site for that ever again. It would be dumb to just let it waste away empty, but the struggle of just making it work is too much. Idk what to do regarding that.